Once Upon A Time In A Land Far, Far Away....
...homes appreciated 12% per year while their owners gleefully day traded their way into multi millionaire status. We all dreamed of the day when our homes would double in value, we could buy a vacation home with no down and no reason to document our income. Ditech.com would refinance our primary residence at 125% of it's value simply by doing a drive by appraisal. Interest rates hovered in the low 6's but no matter, our generous year end bonuses were just around the corner. The lawn never needed watering and the temperatures never went below 50 at night. Our kids all made straight A's and didn't scowl at us when we asked them to pick up their rooms. The neighbor's dog didn't squat in our front yard, nothing in our homes ever broke and the roof, furnace, AC and the appliances lasted for 50 years always appearing updated and new. Cell phones for kids and text messaging were just irritations we would never have to face. Forty hour work weeks were just a distraction, the unemployment rates were 3.9% and inflation was what we did to balloons. Vacations at the beach were a given, none of our parents ever got old or needed care and our pets lived forever. Wars were what happened in history books or places we couldn't find on any map and terrorists only existed at the '72 games in Munich. Television was for families before 9:00 and we never had to shield our kid's eyes and ears because of a promotional advertisement in a magazine or on TV talked about erectile dysfunction.
What's that? The real world is now the exact opposite of everything in the previous 22 lines? Well then, it's time for me to take my blood pressure meds, make certain my kid is really at the library studying and head back to work to try and keep my job for another 30 days. Do me a favor...next time don't wake me up.
(Thanks to Brian @ 1000 Watt Consulting and Boing Boing for the inspiration)